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Monday, Jul. 28, 2003-1:45 p.m.
"Conniptions and the Cable Guy..."
What's a Conniption? I gotta ask you guys, see, cause Dad spent all week waving his hands in the air and saying, "he's gunna give me a CONNIPTION!" -I think it might be that thing, where your eyeball bulges out and the vein on your forehead throbs, and then your brain explodes... at least, that's what it LOOKED like Dad thought might happen at any moment. I'm not really /sure/ why I have anything to do with Dad's pottential conniption- I'm just a workin' dog, after all. Is it MY fault one of my old duties was to watch over him when he had his illeostomy? (cause I dislike that it's gone now... cause now there's no bag thingy for me to sniff to make sure it doesn't need care, like emptying or maybe if it's gunna leak and I usedta warn him ahead of time...) cause see, back then, Dad didn't look at me funny when I followed him into the bathroom. I would, too- I would 'supervise' whenever he emptied it, and that happened like, every 45 minutes or so. ...why are you looking at me like that? Humans are so strange about poo-topics... it was my JOB, man! my job! -so since it's been gone, I have been really confused about how best to monitor and supervise Dad's uhm. bathroom visits. ...I still demand to go in there with him, cause you know? it was my JOB... the old apartment, it had a HUGE bathroom (like, bigger than 10 feet by 10 feet!) and this one... uhm. It's itty bitty. ...so I barely fit in there. I lay my nose on his foot, cause I barely fit in there. Whaddya mean I shouldn't do that? Why not? Dad watches when *I* poo.... See? there he goes again- typing that, and his eyeball bulges and he mutters, "conniption..." ...I gotta find a dictionary. So I promised you I'd tell you about the Cable Guy! Right! See, I knew Dad was waiting for /someone/ to come visit, and then I saw the cable truck (I bounce at cable trucks. no one knows why.) nonobaddog next door was barking (see why I call him that now?) and you know, come to think of it, everyone BUT me was barking! hrmf! -so this guy knocks, and Dad says "just a minute, let me put Axel away" when he gets the door. This nice man has an armload of neat looking equipment, but he stands there nicely while I wag my tail and look sweet, and then Dad says "House!" and fwoop! In I go, into my crate. (which is not really a HOUSE... it's kind of a wire crate, that I could probably break open like tinfoil, if I ever got upset... which is sorta what makes this story funny, actually.... So he calls the nice man in, and tells him I am safe- and to make sure he knows this, I wag my tail and then *plop* lay down with my paws crossed. See? perfect gentleman! I'll just watch, OK? This nice guy and Dad have a talk about what they need to have done (like oh, install the INTERNET! and the TV for the bird too, so he shuts up about 'his programs'! hrmf.) and then I see it! OH. MY. GOD. HE'S STANDING ON MY BLANKIE!!!! Yes, I had forgotton, I took my blankie out earlier, to lay on it... and there he was, fiddling with this equipment, and... and... AUGH!!!!! he TOUCHED IT!! The bark prolly got heard about sixty miles away. (heh heh... oopsie.) I was a little worried about that, after all. He was probably just moving it out from underfoot, but, HEY... you can't touch a guy's blankie and expect him to lie down and take it, can you? I think he almost fell over. It was like one of those cartoons, where the nice sweet doggie suddenly BARKS, and the wind blows the guy over. *WOOF!* Dad laughed pretty hard, even though he probably turned red with embarassment- he brought my blankie back tho! *Beam* You know, it sure took that guy a long time to get the cable all set up, with the computer and everything... and then he did a naughty thing. He TOOK the cablebox! I stood up and woof'd in alarm- it was OK that he BROUGHT a cable box... but he can't TAKE the old one! that's ours! ...the poor guy had to work, with me standing there in a crate that prolly can't hold me if I was serious, and Dad /swearing/ I am not gunna eat him... but everytime he touched the TV, I would growl-woof. It was like a cartoon: "so i'm going to diconnect this-" *grrrr* "and put this here-" *wurf* "and then they'll set this up and I can-" *grrrr* "-here let me put the tv back" *grrrrowl* The poor guy. I really didn't mean to be a menace!! I just thought, everytime he was touching the TV, that he was gunna TAKE it... and he can't TAKE it- I don't even know why he took the cable box! When he left, he walked past me, and I wagged my tail. See? No hard feelings, right? I mean... if I came to your house and took YOUR stuff... right? ....darn. I don't think he likes me anymore. Dad said that's OK, though- the poor Cable Guy did a good job, with me watching over his shoulder from my house that way- and Dad was pretty embarassed that I would 'defend' the TV set... but at least I showed him how I would watch out for the house too! I don't get many visitors, cause Dad is so shy about that, but if a BAD person came, I would be here to protect, and that's a Job too, you know! To be able to be friendly, unless they steal your TV! Maybe I should send him flowers... do they make "I'm sorry I was defending the TV set" cards at those card shop places? maybe I should get one... hmmmm. Axel
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