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Saturday, Jun. 14, 2003-12:26 p.m.
"Donuts and Pee."
Axel speaks ...
I don't understand two-leggers. They seem so SMART... but then... you stop to think about it. Dad has been under some amazing stress lately (not just what he said here, though I imagine that's a lot of it too) and he is just SO uptight and unsettled... and all *I* want to do is make him happy again, right? How hard is that? (just play a little! humans don't get it, do they?) I have a new toy Pa bought me, so I figured, see, THAT is what's wrong!! Dad doesn't understand we have a new TOY to play with!! (that was easy, right? if Dad was a dog, we'd just go play and everything would be fine... but NoooOOOooo... he has to be a human. bah!) Pa calls it my giggly-cow. It is a round ball about the size of a cantelope (what's a cantelope? I dunno... It's a melon, but I never ate one before. Pa says they're good, though...) and it has a 'giggler' inside. It makes wacky noises when I roll it around or waggle it in the air. It cracks me up!! I was TRYING to show Dad this... you know, I'd swing it around by it's tail and whack myself in the head so it made these GREAT giggle-yelp-squeal sounds... and then I would come and wave it at HIM... but when it whacks DAD on the head he frowns and says, "Heeeeeyy!!" (that is the command for 'knock that off' I think. uhm.) So, seeing as he's missing the point, I would do it again. First I'd whack MYSELF with it-(see? look how fun this is!!) then I would try and put it in his hand- (here here, YOU try!) but then he wouldn't, so I would pick it up by the tail again, and whack it on HIS head. (sigh) Humans don't get it. This is GREAT fun! (and what I am doing even as Dad writes this entry... See? YOU TRY!!) Oh. uhm. Okay. Sowwy. I'll just go back to passing out virtual donuts, OK? Maybe ALL two-leggers don't understand this whole giggle-whack-laugh game... That brings me to another thing. Why do humans LABEL everything? Dad's car has a licence plate. The cat has a license (like mine, except I have an extra one for my job too). The apartment has a little plate on it with the number, like the mailbox... Even Dad and Pa have little cards they had to show to sign an application for this new apartment they are hoping to get. (I dunno why we have to move, but Dad says that this new one is nicer and bigger and much much cheaper- he also says it's MUCH closer to Pa's work! I guess those are all good reasons, but it sounds like a lot of work to me... humans have to own everything, they don't just 'move'... they have to re-do ALL those labels!!) You know, if humans would just pee on more stuff, it would all be much simpler. I mean, would YOU sit in a chair someone else Peed on? I rest my case. So. Sit down. Relax. Mark your territory. Have a Donut. (but maybe don't mix those last two) And be happy... I'm not allowed to pee on things unless it's a potty-spot, but I have it on very good authority that humans REALLY like to know who owns what... so take some time out and pee on something today. It'll maybe make YOU feel better anyway! Axel
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